Before I met my second husband online in 2004 at age 51, I was in the post-divorce dating world for 10 years. During that time, I learned a lot about what men over 40 want in a date, the dating challenges they struggle with, and the confusion they sometimes have about women theyre attracted to. Now, as a personal coach specializing in dating issues, Im passionate about using that knowledge to help midlife and older men have more success in their dating lives.

It all starts, of course, with a sincere, warm opener, whether you meet in person or online. Here are five simple, effective ice-breakers that I know worked with me:

1) Anywhere: Im new here, and Im wondering if you know a good place for lunch? (When she names a place, say Would you like to join me there on Sunday?)

2) At a party: How do you know the hostess?

3) On a hike: Have you hiked this park before?

4) At a workshop or class: Im learning a lot here. How bout you?

5) At a restaurant or wedding: Ask the waiter to drop your business card on the table of the woman you admire and on it write: You really caught my eye! Can I stop by for a minute to say hi?

6) Online: You sound like a fascinating woman. I cant wait to hear more about you! or Tell me more about your kids.

It also helps to know the signs that a woman is into you BEFORE you ask her out. Here are six sure-fire ways to tell shes likely to say Yes!:

1) She touches your arm while talking on your first meeting.

2) She laughs at your jokes and seems to be genuinely amused.

3) She tells you about someplace she loves and says shed like to show it to you sometime.

4) She asks for help with a technical problem or guy task.

5) She puts her head on your shoulder during your first slow dance.

6) She offers to cook or bake something you said you like to eat.

Many men I met during my dating years didnt understand why I wanted to be exclusive earlier in the dating process than they did. Here are the three main reasons, as I see it:

1) In general, women are more likely to be committers who want long-term relationships vs. playing the field because theyre socialized to believe that playing the field means theyre of questionable morals. I was never prudish, by any means, but women of my generation may definitely still be hesitant to stay casual for too long.

2) Before saying yes to sex, women often feel the need to justify it by convincing themselves they love you, and then they want you to be exclusive and emotionally involved too.

3) Its more acceptable in society for women to introduce you as their boyfriend vs. the guy Im seeing.

I wish you the best of luck in having more success with the women you want to date. For more information on my dating coaching services, please visit my website =>www.healthylifeplanning.com