Dale Carnegie advised to let criticism run like rain off the umbrella while we stay dry underneath. Ignoring the critic, however, may not be the correct thing to do in some situations because we may need to learn from his criticism. Also, when ignoring is the path to take, it may not come too easily to some of us, because taking and giving criticism requires great tact and tact needs to be learned, as actions need to be trained and instilled inside behaviors.

In the first article, we looked at the motives of the critic. Now, lets view the steps we need to take when we face our critic:

* We need to write down--as detailed and as realistically as we possibly can--our goals, our actions, and the words well use when we answer our critic. Writing down things presents them to us in clear and definite terms, since writing is like signing a contract. When we write things down, we know we are making a commitment.

* We need to find a support group or at least one person who will back us up or listen to our woes. A friend or a colleague who is empathetic to our situation and who can listen patiently to us when we need to unburden will do wonders for our morale.

* We need to take the situation with a positive mindset. We must not dread the next time our critic throws his goodies at us, but rather welcome the opportunity to put our plan and determination into action. To help do this in an efficient way, we can repeat some affirmations daily:

1. I stay strong when I am criticized.

2. I remain in control when I am criticized.

3. I welcome criticism.

4. I am able to use criticism to my advantage.

5. I will use the other persons criticism to build up my personal power.

6. I will use the other persons criticism to build up my self-esteem.

7. My answers to his words will exude my strength.

* We may choose to neutralize the attack. We may use humor to ward off the critics words; or accept the part of the criticism that may be truthful; or agree with the possibility that the entire criticism may be correct. We must not give in totally or promise to act in a different way in the future, until we have thought out our critics words at a different time and place. Ill think about this seriously, is an adequate answer.

* We may confront the critic. If we feel the critics motives are negative and we feel hurt and upset when he hurls his criticisms at us, we may get ready to ask him why he is acting this way, not as a victim but from an upper-handed, adult position. For this, we have to prepare ourselves beforehand.

Pointers for preparation if we decide to confront the critic:

1. We must, above all, stick to the truth. We can state or ask about the truth of his criticism and ask specific questions on specific issues.

2. We must resolve not to ask our questions as a counterattack but to make the other person face his own behavior or the truth inside his criticism.

3. We must not worry about making a mistake. If a mistake is made, it may be corrected or there may be a next time when it may be corrected.

4. We must insist that the critic give exact and solid data and point to specific facts. We must refuse him any personal attack or generalizations on us or on anyone else.

5. We must look at our critic directly in the eye and maintain that eye-contact.

6. We must decide our voice wont waver and become childlike. We must stick to an unruffled mood and steady, calm voice.

7. We can take our time to answer him back. We do not have to answer his criticism or what he says immediately.

* We need to believe, truly believe, in success even if our success may not come easily. There may be setbacks, situations, and times when we may revert to our old way of feeling when we are criticized. In those times, we can re-view our goals and actions, take refuge in others support, repeat the affirmations, and keep staying focused.

If we make our mind up to succeed and work at it seriously enough, we may in time become adept in accepting criticism without letting it damage our self-esteem. Better yet, we may also become skilled at giving constructive criticism to others.