Hitched Magazine approached me about a piece on the propagation of drugs as a means by which to ease marital tension and stop arguments. Here below are the questions I answered on this matter.

1.What do you think about drugs or gimmicks like this, that are obviously playing on married couples. Is it just a gimmick to you or do you think couples could use something like this?

Answer: Couples could use drugs and nasal sprays to calm them down temporarily, but this will never resolve their conflicts. Because as soon as the drugs and sprays wear off, the problems and issues still remain. Even worse is such drugs and gimmicks could lessen sex drive. It would be far better for couples to fully and wholeheartedly engage themselves in a passionate discussion and discourse over things that trouble them in their relationship, rather than temporarily try to escape dealing with such vital matters via drugs, alcohol or gimmicks. The more couples communicate, the more they bond. There are no quick fixes in relationships. We should never try to avoid and escape conversations that are most necessary to gain mutual understanding and secure the relationship. There will always be miniscule disagreements in a relationship, but such disagreements do not mean we should be disagreeable, nor should we shun gaining understanding of our partner's feelings and preferences.

You get what you give in a relationship. The first duty of loving is listening.

2. What would you recommend to couples who don't have a "trick" to solving arguments?

Answer: Instead of trying to solve arguments, show love. Love one another enough to listen and seek to understand. You don't have to agree with one another, but care enough to listen so you can know how your partner thinks, feels and mentally processes situations.

Upon developing a sensitive heart that truly cares how the other person thinks and feels, you will cultivate a sense of safety in the relationship which will encourage freedom of __expression. Emotional security and a feeling of unconditional love once nurtured and obtained is priceless. Give unconditional love free of judgment, condemnation and criticism. If you do, when you find yourself in need of the same you will be the grateful recipient.

3.Do you have any common tips to helping resolve problems in a fun or light way?

Answer: Yes. You can often initially relieve emotional tension and lessen the intensity of the moment by employing humor. Some of our heated exchanges in a relationship are over things that are not that vital nor important. In such miniscule matters that are solely a matter of preference but not priority, a repair technique could be to do or say something to make your lover laugh.

When dealing with more vital and perhaps non-negotiable matters, express concern and sincerity but if necessary ask if the conversation can be discussed at a more mutually appropriate time so full attention can be given to the subject. It is important that both people be at their best mentally and emotionally when discussing vital issues that deeply effect you both. Rescheduling an appropriate time and place for the conversation can be useful to assure it receives proper care and attention, while facilitating a thorough and thoughtful discussion.

4.Anything else you'd like to add regarding this topic of conversation?

Answer: Conflict resolution and preferring people's opinions is not something our culture nor media embraces. Where sarcasm and impatience reign, love cannot rule. Love is patient. Unconditional love is a foreign concept in today's culture where people divorce over the most frivolous matters and disagreements. Covenant is a precept that again must be taught, valued and esteemed. One's word is essentially their worth. We must again uphold our word and honor our commitments to people. As we do, our own level of self-esteem will increase whereby we in turn can more easily and readily love and honor others. Unconditional love is a wonderful thing to experience and express to others. It is a priceless gift founded on patience, kindness and goodwill as one seeks what is best for the other regardless of how it effects them personally.