I've talked to many men who claim that being a nice guy just doesn't work with women. The guy with the little black book, who might or might not call, who acts as if he could care less whether you go out with him or not, seems to be the one with all the women. In my opinion, there is a little bit of truth in this. The reason why that type of man is so appealing to women may not be so obvious though.

It's not that women want a man who will treat them badly, no matter how it may look. It's some of the qualities that this type of man has that is so appealing. First and foremost, confidence. Women are magnetized towards men with confidence. Another part of this is that this type of man will hold true to his beliefs and values no matter how much we may moan, plead, argue, or carry on for him to change. A 'nice guy' on the other hand, will usually fold under pressure and give in to anything his woman asks of him. While women enjoy this to a point, when we continue to win on pretty much every challenge we put out, then whether we realize it or not, we feel we've conquered him and some of our respect for him is gone.

What does this mean for men? Well, it doesn't mean you have to be a jerk. The first step is to find confidence in yourself. If you don't have it, fake it. Have the 'hey, I like you, but I got along fine before you came along and I'll be fine if you break up with me' attitude. As the relationship progresses and you show that you need and want her, bit by bit, she will feel special.

Next, don't give in to everything she asks. Not only will she come to expect it and take you for granted, but some of her respect for you will be lost. Be willing to listen to her moan and groan and complain and hold true to yourself. This doesn't mean never give in. Far from it. Just not every time. This way when you do, she will feel like you've only done so because you really love her and want her to be happy. You should never give in just because it's easier than arguing or you want to 'get lucky' later. Only give in when it is something that is important to her and doesn't go against your own beliefs and values. Compromise, on the other hand, is often the way to go.

You may believe that by not giving in to her, she will think that you don't love her, and I'm sure she will accuse you of that while she is striving to get her way. Not true, there are other ways to express your love. A good way to show your love for her is by doing things she doesn't ask for. Surprise her with breakfast in bed, but not so often that she expects it. Give her a compliment out of the blue instead of when she is hinting for one. By doing the unexpected to show your love, you have achieved being loving without being a lap dog. You are being spontaneous instead of predictable. You really don't have to be a jerk, just a confident nice guy who is true to himself.

2006 Patricia Fason